Women In Youth Ministry..

I originally posted this Women in Youth Ministry article at the Youth Specialties blog. But it's generated some interesting conversation, which I think is worth broadening the horizons on!

So... here goes. Feel free to comment here or at the original post, but I'd love your thoughts, regardless of whether you're a man or woman in youth work!

How Women in Youth Ministry Can (Totally, Effectively & Compellingly) Work with Boys.

I’m not afraid to admit that girls scare me. I grew up as the eldest daughter in a set of three, in a mostly single parent home (Mum). Yes, I carried some extra responsibilities, and I didn’t always have much time or interest in make-up, fashion and other ‘girly’ stuff. When faced with being the small group leader of a set of 14 year old teenage girls, who wanted to do nothing but sleepovers, makeover parties and shopping – I freaked out. What can I say? I love working with middle school, teenage and young adult guys. It’s not always easy, there are some minor and some major differences in communicating and working with guys but I can absolutely testify to some of these relationships being the most rewarding and surprising of my youth ministry career.

At NYWC in Cincinnati, I hosted a conversation for women in youth ministry and these topics came up a couple of times. So, I thought it would be great to share some tips, some experiences and encouragement if you’re a youth minister or a volunteer working with guys in your youth ministry.

1. Finding confidence in yourself.
When you’re the person that’s there and available – you’re the one who can make a difference. Being confidence to your interactions with any young person is going to be really helpful, regardless of gender. But with boys especially – if you feel confident in yourself, you’ll be able to focus more on the young person and less on what you’re getting “right or wrong”. In order to get there – focus on what you know and what you need to know. There are some great resources out there – specifically Teenage Guys by Steve Gerali – to help you get a handle on what guys are experiencing. This is valuable youth ministry info! Start to gather this information AS WELL AS reflecting on your own experiences to look for patterns, insights and understanding. As with any youth ministry situation – identify specific insecurities and triggers and then proactively look for solutions or understanding to help you move past it. Keep working on this and your confidence will grow. If nothing else, remember that hundreds of women youth workers have had life-changing impact working with teenage guys – so can you.

2. Talk shoulder to shoulder.
Heather Ameye-Bevers was the first female youth pastor I ever worked with. So naturally, I asked her for some of her most valuable tips. This one is hers: “..the old adage that it’s important for girls to talk eye to eye but to talk to a guy it’s better to talk shoulder to shoulder. While you’re playing sport, walking somewhere or you’re setting up youth group stuff, work on something together. Talk to guys then so that it’s not as confrontational or uncomfortable.”


Talking shoulder-to-shoulder allows you to create rapport, relationship and respect for one another. Engaging in that kind of relationship gives you the opportunity to then talk eye-to-eye. Remember that as guys get older, they’ll be more willing to talk about deeper stuff – but don’t feel that you’re only being significant if you are having “deep & meaningful’s” all the time. Often with girls, you’ll be used to talking around and around and around whilst feeling like you’re getting nowhere. With boys, a few words at the right time can often take you miles. Being interested in what they’re interested in will make a huge difference – and you’ll sometimes be surprised. Not all meaningful ministry with boys is about football or girls! Sometimes it’s music, books, a particular subject that you have common ground on.

3. Find creative ways of working with the ‘important’ stuff – physical touch, playfulness, passion and word count.
So – physical touch and playfulness are really important parts of working with guys as they grow up! And then, there’s all the sexuality stuff. Some basic tips:

- Make space for healthy touch, by playing sports, games, get in amongst it. In addition, create some vocal cues for ‘impromptu’ rumbles and tag matches. If you’re able to encourage and be the whistle-blower (literally, give the signal that they have permission to create chaos for a few minutes), you’ll gain massive yards and lots of ‘fun’ in your relationship with your teenagers. Helps with the playfulness.

- When it comes to passion & sexuality – don’t ignore the subject, just because they’re male. Also – be really careful about presuppositions about adolescent male sexuality. The stereotypes are not all they’re cracked up to be, so LISTEN more than anything else. It’s a privilege to be able to speak about this stuff with guys, so honor that by letting them express their stories and thoughts as they are ready. You have a great position to be able to offer insight into female sexuality and it’s connection to love & relationships. Regardless of whether you’re single or married, the way you talk about sexuality with guys may differ than with girls, but it’s still the same content – healthy heart, healthy relationships, healthy sexuality. Don’t be distracted by the gender question. You’ll be amazed how much a little direct speaking will gain you in confidence and trust with guys.

- Word count. Women love to tell stories. It’s a stereotype but we generally have a tendency to communicate in narrative far more than men do. So – remember that mastering word count is key! Speak directly about the ideas you’re wanting to communicate. And often, the fewer words the better.

4. Dealing with infatuation, love & relationships.
What happens if one of my students is physically inappropriate or has a crush on me? What if I develop feelings for a student/volunteer/youth pastor/mentor? What about dating and trying to start a new relationship? What if I’m the new girlfriend of the youth pastor?

- Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries. You need to have healthy self-awareness and people to process that with (not volunteers!), as well as an observant eye for boundaries in other youth ministry relationships – students and other volunteers, students and yourself. But again, don’t be driven by the paranoia either. This is the exception, not the norm – so don’t let the fear of this stuff over-influence the direction and focus of your ministry. A good rule of thumb here is keep the main thing, the main thing.

- Don’t meet one-on-one in private – public places are great for those conversations (and you can totally meet with a male student or volunteer!). Make sure you have an open diary – document as much as you can, or feels reasonable and discuss this with your supervisor or lead pastor, so they know what your plan is. Transparency is key.

- When a student is physically inappropriate (holds a hug too long etc), what’s inappropriate is determined by YOU. Then you need to communicate it, but in a way that’s non-destructive to the relationship and especially non-humiliating to the teenager. Use humor to diffuse in public settings ie: “Hug…2….3…and release!”. Narrate it out loud. Or, if they’re super confident.. “Hey, I know I’m cute, but I’m outta your league!”

A story from a female youth pastor:
“If you think there’s something up ie: you or they are trying to spend a lot of time alone, txting late at night, you think about them overly much, they are making strange comments to you, looking at you funny – if you suspect you have a crush on them or vice versa – Warning!!!! Go talk to your supervisor asap, avoid deep personal conversations, always have a crowd around, don’t be a egg and talk to them about your feelings for them - you may as well shoot yourself in the foot. Be smart about technology as you should already as a professional youth worker – don’t private chat on Facebook, Twitter, MSN, txt. Sometimes it happens. You feel certain things – my advice is to live smart in the first place, but if you experience weird thoughts or feelings or do strange things -

1. Acknowledge it immediately to yourself.
2. Bring it into the light with a trusted professional supervisor.
3. And then keep going doing the amazing work you have been doing. 

If you keep it hidden in the dark it will grow and make your life a misery, it will leave you with regrets and might even take you out of ministry. That is a scary place to be. I know I ‘ve been there. Several years ago when I was young and stupid I dated one of my youth leaders who was 4 years younger that me. It all started because I enjoyed the buzz that came when I started receiving daily txt messages from him. Instead of deleting them and talking to someone about how i was feeling, I went with the flow, txt turned to visits, turned to outings, turned to dating then to a romantic and unwisely physical relationship. I abused my role as a leader and carried the relationship on to its disastrous conclusion which left him broken and hurt. I felt unable to minister in that church,  I felt unworthy and rotten inside.”

- Be aware that when starting new relationships, dating or going through relationship trauma, you want to remember NOT to do your immediate processing with your young people. Often it’s helpful to share our lessons learned as reflections or insights, but moaning or rejoicing about your new relationship probably isn’t the best bet. Also – your students may be jealous or anxious about losing your attention as often you are a primary relationship in their life, regardless of whether you’re opposite gender. Be conscientious of how hostility, anxiety and fear might be expressed in your ministry and openly address those fears. Also, if you’re the partner of the youth pastor – you may face some jealousy on part of the students. Build unique relationships and be reassuring that students won’t “lose” their youth pastor.

- Especially as your students grow older, be conscious of helping them grow into great men. Advice on women, relationships, being straight-up about when they’re being a jerk, immature, getting smelly or when they’ve made you exceptionally proud are precious and great moments. In addition, the youth ministry relationship that grows into genuine friendship is priceless beyond compare and JUST as likely to happen with your teenage guys as with your teenage girls..

5. Can my youth ministry mentor be a guy?
This really depends on what you’re looking for from your mentoring relationships. There’s a lot of wisdom in looking for holistic mentors who can help you process all aspects of life – relationships, career, personal development, sexuality, work. It’s always great if you can find a same-sex mentor because it saves some effort and work and precautions.

However, 3 out of 4 of my greatest mentors in life have been men, really exceptional, Godly, trustworthy men. The So it’s been completely safe to establish mentoring relationships that were for specific purposes. So, if you have no options and you’re looking for skills-based professional development – a lot of the same boundaries rules apply – but this can work. One of the major things that makes this a winner or not – is whether or not you are a trustworthy woman. That means having transparency and good self-awareness, in case you are the one that crosses the boundaries!

Also – remember that some things are actually best processed with a professional counselor, therapist, psychiatrist or spiritual director. Don’t be afraid to look for the specific help you need.

6. This is worth it!
Seriously, this is worth it. It’s worth it to go through the tough stuff of being a female youth worker with guys. How the rewards come can be very different, but the outcome is still the same – young people who love Jesus and have meaningful faith in practice in their lives. Years on, I love the meaningful and close friendships I have with some of my graduated students, because you can make a difference and they’ll certainly let you know when you have.

There is some great stuff to have fun with.. rites of passage, boys weekends, lots of helping hands on deck for youth ministry camps and retreats (you can play the “girl” card for instant man-up factor!). Don’t be intimidated, just get educated both generally (read some books! have some conversations!) and specifically (analyze your specific youth group culture).


As always – when you get stuck, if you have questions or you learn something great along the way = shout it out to the other youth workers that are travelling the same path.
Now – I’d love to hear your stories!

 

Even When You Change, You Remain Who You Are.

For those of you that peruse my sidebar from time to time - there's a special column there. It's called Thinkers. The reality is most of those folks, I consider to be friends regardless, but usually their blogposts are thoughts worth considering, whether in regards to faith, faith in praxis, music, travelling, people, community. They are my must-reads. I've posted them in a truly random order. They are diverse enough to engage my brain in the way it ought to be, not all regular bloggers although some are 'dailies'.

whyismarko.com was formerly ysmarko. I decided I wouldn't delete Marko's site from the sidebar because I think it contains some of the most forward thinking youth ministry/faith in praxis content around. For the time of his tenure as Youth Specialties President and blogger, this site has been one of the most accessible points of conversation that I regularly participated and observed.

Which brings me to the point - that even when you change, you remain who you are. When I finished in my role with Eastercamp, it forced a point of clarification in my own identity. What changed was the outlet of my knowledge, passion and praxis. I didn't cease to be interested, experienced, knowledgeable or a continual learner in my field. It was simply the outlet that changed.

I count it as an honour to call Marko and others in the YS family, true friends. People that I deeply care about and respect. There are folks that work here that you'd never see teaching a Lab or writing books (yet) who truly care about young people, those that work with young people and the current/future state of this praxis we call Church. So, in all the things that are changing and may change.. my hope and secure belief is that you remain who you are.

I'm still really good at being me - in all the varied expressions that I create around that. And Marko remains a prophetic voice in youth ministry. That matters, because we're a tribe of people not just an organization. And likewise, there is every hope that YS the organization can remain an organization completely committed to loving and serving youthworkers.

I had to remember that I had eternal permission to remain who I was. Others had given me a title and credibility to work within their organization, but ultimately that was simply an expression of the much bigger picture that the Father always had in mind. I'm not necessarily a believer in Plan A, Plan B and Plan C. I think that God enjoys the ongoing creativity of making something beautiful out of our lives as we go, hand in hand. However, sometimes in life, people will change your position or role, the expression of who you are may change. Sometimes people will want that to mean you cease to be who you are. Those voices should be gladly ignored.

I've never quite got back to blogging or writing in the same way since 'my contract was not renewed'. It's been a conscious choice to not want to slight or discolour what was a magical, wonderful, awful time in my life. Sometimes I regret that, because I now think, I should have remained feisty enough to fight for my character and my good name, despite how others were gently and publicly shaming me. But therein, lies the lesson of remaining who you are.

I'm glad Marko's back to blogging, simply because I think the expression of who he is continues to remain important and beautiful in our world.

Back home, we have a word called 'mana'. It means a form of respect, authority, stature that cannot be easily bestowed on another. Some people simply have a presence, that gives them permission to speak and a voice that rises above others. Mana is something that can be credited to you by the elders and members of your tribe, but it cannot be attained, if you know what I mean. Reach for it and it will slip from your grasp. Aspire to it and you will learn humility and service.

Mana, is exactly what it means to remain who you are, despite how things may change. So, I hope for Marko, as much as myself - that his ongoing expression brings something rich, deep and necessary to our lives.

Both organizations and tribes require leaders, but the way that comes about is vastly variant. Tribes tend to choose leaders for certain seasons, but also hold an enormous capacity for elders and ambassadors within the collective knowledge of the tribe. That's why tribal gatherings still reference those who have gone before us and remember with fondness their words. Tribes have a much greater capacity to hold broad spectrums of ideas, to wrestle with ongoing ideas and issues whilst seeking greater practical application.

Possibly this is why we must be so careful with the business models and leadership lessons we chose to apply in Church, because we naturally are more tribe-like in our existence. We compel ourselves to organizational structure because we view some form of necessity in it, to which end we may be right, but it is not easy for us.

Tribal behaviour is the proof in the pudding, of how even when we change, we remain who we are. My hope for the future of YS is in this tribal identity, held by a collective of people who hold a spectrum of time, ideas and voices in valuable tension.

Oh, Cos You Know Me So Well..

There are lots of things going on at the moment .. and lots of things I'd love to write about it, but the timing isn't quite right and the barometer is unsettled. I'm looking forward to time passing enough to be able to write about these things with the benefit of hindsight and discovery.

However, I can write a few, momentary reflections on some things seen and heard lately...that may or may not speak to things current, cos you know me so well.

1. Dave Matthews Band is still amazing live. And there is no more powerful witness in the world to any cause or movement, than a group of friends that stand together to honour one of their own. There are seasons of turmoil, grief and loss - when someone like LeRoi is suddenly gone... and there is a story left behind to be told by those who know him so well, that honours the music, the very being and core of his life, to love on the family of which we are all part, continuing on in the cause we are all living and believing in.

2. It's someone else's quote but it's true "that which has the power to create an over or under reaction in us, usually has control over us, and will force that reaction from us". If you know me so well, you know that I believe some of the essence of life is learning what to hold on to, what to let go of. There are some things though, that still hold on to me.. by their persistent ability to provoke an unwelcome response in me, because I'm still waiting for the freedom that truth brings. I realised that in some instances, I have laid down my right to write those truths, telling those stories.. because I fear the response. But the response in my spirit to not telling these things.. is much too much.

3. The adventurer in me is not dead, not the creative spark buried under sadness for a time. Cos you know me so well, I can speak to you of high desert plains, mountains, rocks, dry heat and long concrete & asphalt paths carved out just so that I can stand in the middle of nothingness. Stand there and realise how much I loved the unbeaten path, the unfolding day, the clarity of time and space. I am adventure-bound, ready for the wilderness of life again. The spark in me is rising up again, beating and warm within me.

4. Justice and compassion belong together. Cos you know me so well, you probably know that tears come more often now, more easily. The injustice of elderly couples treated with disdain, kids climbing out of the gutters towards the future, that which is lost.... So may my sense of justice not lead me towards rage, and may my sense of compassion still operate with discernment to the way forward.

Forgive Thy Brother.

Forgive Thy Brother - by Scott Erickson of The Transpire Project

tonight with the moon full and low in the sky, blue
finally to write about you, to talk about you, with love
the way i used to, with hope and promise and joy
finally i am sick of ache, weighted arrows in my shoulder
harnessing my force, good or bad, from reaching you
forced I am, into stepping close enough again
fallen into embrace, to rest the weight of it upon you
done.                        ... with just space enough
for continuing despite what we have ... chosen to forget
i'm still learning what love is, learning who i am...
.... the moon demands all of my attention to this task, to love you
brother.

Strictly Personal.
I stumbled upon this painting by Scott and was stopped in my tracks. Here was an image that seemed to capture the wrestle in my mind for the last few months.

Getting to America, to this place, these people - this movement, was meant to be a definitive stepping stone. A brilliant release from a scarred and troubling chapter in my life - where things ceased to be true as I had known them to be. It was a scar of my own doing, and yet not. I doubly owned it with the other partakers, yet carried it so heavily. Struggling not to be a victim, to forgive, to move on.

But it takes time, and this place is like a sharp lens, a focusing ring pulled tightly towards my body.

My desire to genuinely forgive and be a better person as result of my mistakes, my justification and my grief is like a taste in my mouth. Yet I doubt my ability to do it.

But maybe the desire to forgive, to carry on, to grow beyond my borders is enough. Maybe that's all there is. Maybe this kind of confession and forgiveness offers nothing else but... desire. Actually achieving some palpable, tangible feeling would be too noble, too gracious for someone as incomplete as what I am.

That being said, I am moving closer towards what I want to think and feel in regards to forgiving, than I used to be. Good news, huh?

Shanty Towns & Trailer Parks.

The Pacific Coaster from LA Union Station to San Diego takes about 3 hours, counting the time it takes to walk from the queuing platform to the station deck. Last month, I traveled out from a central part of the city to the outer reaches of LA, then on down the coast to my new home. It started with a queue, to pick up my ticket at Union Station. Once that was done, I walked and admired, in the sticky heat of a body not used to the warmth, the architecture and other-worldliness of this place.

Then we queued, under a sign. The sign told us to queue and wait for the signal from the usher, to walk to the platform where we were to board our train. I don't really know why we had to stand there when we already had our tickets explicitly stating the platform and time of departure. But we queued, in an orderly and complicit manner until we were told we could move to the platform. Then we dispersed like flurry of fast-moving ants, which I'm not sure was the point.

As we (I guess the train and I) traveled, the railway lines were clinking and clacking with the roll of the carriage. It was kind of like those old spaghetti westerns carved out in Hollywood studios in the 30's & 40's where I sat out looking at the world, all the while suspecting there were half a dozen stagehands methodically rocking the carriage in time with the soundtrack in my head.

LA County rolls out it's smaller cities and towns in a continual mass of concrete, brick and tile. By the time you hit the coast, it's more like rolling past a line of school-children awkwardly holding hands. Some do it easier than others.

But the hand-holding really starts much closer into the city. You can tell a lot by the train line. Like back home, you get the best view of the billboards and industrial areas, great views of the central city suburbs until you hit the underground into Britomart. Here, you get a view into people's backyards, their malls, parking lots and then into trailer parks. You get to see a lot of trailer parks.

Closer into the city, the trailer parks have a tendency to look like half demolition yards around the edges, with enough clear road left for the cars to move in and out. Corrugated iron in ruby and russet, with blue and gray tarpaulins part shelter, part windbreak, part privacy-shade swamp the permanently parked trailers.

About thirty minutes into this journey, we're climbing our way through the freeway intersections and out into the hand holding inner suburbs, who sit shoulder to shoulder. Forty five minutes out of the station and the trailer parks begin to change their form. The driveways and streets are cleaner. There's no tarpaulin in site and pot plants start to adorn the weatherboard-covered axles. The ruby and russet hues of iron and steel are gone, replaced with cool grays, blues, creams. The dusty inner-city haze seems to be cleared away.

At first I don't think of there being any unusual thing in this situation. I'm laughing internally, the way a cynic who's ashamed of their callous observations does, about the cars. It doesn't matter how rickety-ramshackle the trailer park is, it sure seems that most of the cars are of a similar vintage. New. Spanking new. Well, within a three year model run.

The humour of it is, in my world the tidiest garages in the priciest central city suburbs house the rusty, fifteen year old student bombs held together with chewing gum and number eight wire, warranted by the Onehunga testing station, spit and grease. We'd trade just about anything for location and acreage when it comes to our homes. We long for ten foot ceiling studs and the quarter acre section, with vege garden and grass. Lord, we love grass. Paddocks preferably.

Here, a trailer-sized plot is big enough, so long as there's a spot for the car, sparkling and fresh. The height of the ceilings doesn't matter. It's more of the same, keep the sun & light & heat out philosophy I guess, just in a different expression. Space for a bed, a chair, a place to eat. A shower. It's all you need - so this is a simplified manner of living. In the East Coast Bays, we've talked about community, but this is shoulder to shoulder living.

We get an hour out of the city and the trailer parks are holding hands along the railway lines now, with the odd little stop tucked between. Some of our stops have me overlooking the garden sheds, kitchen windows and second-story bathrooms. The same colour landscapes apply to some of these suburbs and trailer parks.

The car rule is definitely the same.

By the time we hit the coast, traveling past the shoreline swamped with human bodies, beach umbrellas and lifeguard towers line up against the Pacific. It's summer in California and the burner is turned up, even though the safety glass of the train's window my arm is tingling and protesting against the heat. The vitamin-D starved, winter skin is both craving and detesting the sudden assault of sunlight. I feel pink and flushed all over, wishing I wasn't so pale and out of place.

I'm watching the coastline and feeling every glass of wine, every pizza, every pistachio nut that has accompanied my winter hibernation. Golden, ruddy golden bodies are like moving exhibits in the ocean. I'm envious.

The trailer parks are non-existent now, beachfront condos and houses with Spanish influences crammed together no differently than my shanty town trailer parks and shackle the coast like palisades. Row after row, they line up the same way bodies cover the beaches. Americans know how to queue and line up, that much is for sure.

Then we hit the recreation parks. Parking lots lined with asphalt along the beaches. Black asphalt. So black that the tar was molten and glistening, even so I could see it from the train. They were covered with RVs. Dozens and dozens of them, and then the tents. Asphalt parking lots covered in tents and RVs, littered with bbqs, picnic tables and coolers.

I've learned since arriving, that it's not at all uncommon. To park in a carpark in order to have a holiday by the beach. Others take their RVs into the desert with quad bikes and farm bikes. So I get it. I think.

Here are my observations, that really bear no aspersions or commentary on the place I'm living, it's just different.

1. People are good at queuing here. It's a culture of queuing probably determined by the crazy population swell of Southern California.

2. People are so good at queuing that even vacations are big queues of bodies, RVs, campers and tents.

3. People here live close together because "space" doesn't seem to matter in the same way it does back home, when you simply don't have the choice. Buses, trains, sidewalks, parks, suburbs, cities. You all gotta hold hands.

4. The tidy car seems to be more important in American culture than the tidy, freshly painted garage. Interesting ideas on home and space.

Blogging & Ill Discipline.

I've been thinking recently, and possibly some might have noticed, the lack of regular posting here. There are lots of potential reasons...

1. Too much going on to form coherent thoughts.
2. Too many things that are inappropriate to talk about in this forum.
3. Quality not quantity.

This third, I can reference right away.

I've noticed, in surveying some of what I've written in the last few years that the immediacy and accessibility of blogging technology to 'publish' my thoughts has possibly led me to a lazy place when it comes to the craft.

Storytime
When I was at high school, I shared an English class with a girl who simply a phenomenal writer. She had a distinct style, her talent was obvious to see, as was her passion. At school - I was focused on radio & media. That form of storytelling was more important for my career path. And sharing a class with Jenni, whose rising star absorbed the disciplinary focus of our teacher at the time... well, left me feeling lacklustre about my own prospects as a writer.

If it hadn't been for my English & Media Studies teacher, Mr Bates.. (I google him often, just in the hopes of finding him again)... well, possibly none of my writing would have ever found the public eye again.

It's amusing, considering how much of my business and communications skillset come from simple, well-practiced art of writing. And I still have more in me.

I left that 5th form class thinking I would never be published and never attempt it. I've graduated my early twenties, making a living from it without shame and owning the craftmanship required to 'write'... or (how I think of it).. "be compiling words" in many forms for many reasons.

My love of language and construction leads me to journalism, poetry, prose, lyricism and storytelling through script and visual medium.


So.. the Blog?
The temptation with blogging is to be too undisciplined in my execution.
Not enough thought or precision put to style, word choice, construction, punctuation and process. So here is my dilemma..

If in every other medium, I am well-edited, processed, re-written, outlined, architecturally sound both in flow and ideological progression - is it permissible to be so stream of consciousness in blogging? Or does that reveal the weaker flaws in my writing?

Is this like a journal of thoughts (I'm still scarred by those who simply consider this an inappropriate forum for what is published here... though they have little idea of the catalogued journal and notebook system in place for that which is much more private) - so it's "casualness" permissible?

Or, like meeting someone for the first time - because this becomes my most prolific publication source, should I make more of an effort when it comes to first impressions?

I'm going to start reviewing those posts which have led me into trouble. You can expect that I'll re-publish those posts previously removed, revised and edited.

The difficulty is that I want to be a good writer. Mostly because I want to say things that are meaningful, more than saying nothing in a beautiful way. I'm no Jenni, but now.. rather than suspecting I'm not remotely deserving of my 'teacher's' attentive discipline and correction.. I'm looking for the process myself.. in hopes of sending her a book one day.

So, in true McGill style.. I've said in several hundred words what I could've accomplished in 35.


All writing deserves the attention of craftsmanship, to refine the thoughts interred and the manner of architecture around them. My suspicion is that blogging has made me lazy, so I'm attempting to turn the tide.

Feel free to offer your thoughts & comments. Am I the only one that feels this way from time to time?

Applications for Tour Guides Open.

Must have a creative sense of imagination.
Pleasure is taken in the smallest things - small oddities and genuine experiences.
Must not include "must-have" fast food. I don't believe you.
Great stories & history will always inspire, especially if from your own experience.
Sense of adventure and spontaneity a bonus.

Just saying, I agree with my friend Jill, that the advice and recommendations of locals or experienced visitors.. is usually the best way to experience a place.

In America, The Moon Is Upside Down.

Stones like these
are just like fuel underground
You stop my feet
from floating up when I come down

I go up
and watch the world spinning round
But I came down

You can't see
that I'm like dust on the ground
The wind picks up
and then it blows me around

I go up
and watch the world spinning round
But I came down

Finding out the northern lights

Out Of The Moon
Last year, I spent about (what felt like forever) 5 months in a waiting/interviewing/paperwork process to look at the possibility of coming to work in the US. It didn't work out at the time for a number of reasons - but I'm here now for 4 months.

The first of these months is nearly over, my brain and feet and breath finally settled into a rhythm of life here. There are sunshine skies that last forever. Long evenings. All the tastes and aromas of life are different, prioritized differently, examined and enjoyed differently.

At first it's the large things that take your notice but eventually it's the smallest of things that catch your attention. Like the sky. Here's what I sent home recently..

the sky is blue today. that kind of blue they call azure. and though it's light, warm blue - it's like a hundred thousand translucent layers so the sky feels deep and warm. how can the sky feel deep? and yet it does.

so am i at at the bottom looking up or the top of the sky is really earth?

everyday i look out from my office across to hills that are brown and covered in houses that are made to keep the light out. they are made to keep the light out because the sun carries heat so strong in the middle of summer that the only way to survive is to stay in the dark as much as possible. isn't it funny that back home our houses are built to catch the light because of the warm it brings and here they have windows the size of shoeboxes?

everything seems brown and covered in dust because of drought. strange isn't it. and california - you think of it as being a beach state, and certainly San Diego as being a beach town.. but really - the beaches are beautiful yes, but thin strips of sparkly sand and that same reflected azure sky carried in water. it's 10% beach and 90% desert which affects my theology.

The sea blows in a marine layer every morning - it's like a sea fog that hangs in the sky instead of along the ground. and why not - because the sky is so vast and huge, so warm and blue - i would, if I was marine layer - want to hang in the sky.

most days it blows out again, and the warm breeze is left on my skin, the dryness of the air making my skin tight and dry in places unusual. and why am I telling you these things? well because my story at the moment is found in the geology, in the air and in the shape of the desert all reflecting my spirit and my heart.

The moon is upside-down, but I am getting used to the view.

Strange & Unusual Observations

After four weeks, I get surprised with the phone rings. It was the most familiar sound back home. I was used to eating and drinking and sharing life with with multiple people from multiple worlds every day. I'm surprised with the sense of vitality I miss from that.

Without my phone ringing all the time - I do feel more relaxed.

Change and life carries on exactly the same at home (so I am assured) yet I constantly feel anxious about the life that carries on without on it's own path & trajectory - so perhaps I have an over-inflated sense of self-importance.

It's easy to be here, it's easy to make a new life when you have something to do. My list of things I want to do is constantly expanding, mostly filled with places I'd like to visit, things I want to see and do and dreams of wide highways, mountains, green that covers me like swaddling clothes, desert rocks and Yosemite, Yellowstone and Yukon.

I like, no, I love this space. I love these people too. I feel at home. Even if the moon is upside down!